i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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