Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
