I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
