So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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