why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
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do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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