they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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