Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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