That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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