This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
