i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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