He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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