i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
