i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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