hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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