no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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