marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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