I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
