I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my god I love twenty year old dicks
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
