So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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