it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
