I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
they need to just BURY HIM!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
