Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
