I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
