I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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