I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
MIDGETS
????
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
