Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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