are you still at the devil's house?
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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