i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
