What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Say something about gay babies.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
