Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
