omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
