So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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