Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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