I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
