kristin has been a bad kristin
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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