I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
