He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
