Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
my liver is dry heaving
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
