Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
