Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
