I'll bet she douches with gravy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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