They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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