I love black thongs
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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