Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
