loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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