I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
