JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
