this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
