let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
