i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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