I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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