My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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