How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
