You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
