God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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