chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
