As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
