TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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