Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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