i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
