If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
