She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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