I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
