so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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