If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
