Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
